I know, I know, I keep promising regularity to this blog and then leaving it dead in the wind for weeks at a time. All I can say is that my life has changed a lot recently, and it's because of that that I haven't had as much time for the things I need to start focusing a little more on.
When I look back on my life, I tend to categorise every year into some sort of theme. The last 3 years have been the Manchester Trilogy (3 academic years I should say, although that goes against what I just said, but its the categorising part that's important), 2008 was the year of moving forward. 2010 was the year I realised that life can flip itself upside-down without a moments notice. And this year, well I don't really know what I'm calling this year.
In some respects this year has been one of the most important years of my life, bringing with it massive changes some of which I hadn't expected, but strangely its those massive changes that have brought my life back towards what it used to be like 4 years ago. I feel more and more like the Manchester Trilogy was a chance for me to take a hiatus from life. I mean, whilst I did get stuff done (a Masters degree for one), I didn't really have many responsibilities or goals. That's not to say it wasn't worth it, some of the best moments of my life happened during that time, and I wouldn't want to change those for anything. But now I'm working in a job that I honestly love, with people who are brilliant and insane and fucking ace, but I'm in a job designed for people much younger than myself. I crave for the next part of life to be upon me, I want the job, the house, the girlfriend/wife, and it somewhat dampens the joy of work when I know that what I seek is still years away. As an apprentice, I'm making less than £100 a week, it's not even enough to move out and live with friends, at least not with any hope of affording food as well. It kind of sucks to think that if a better paid job came along, I'd probably have to just go for that instead. But I guess thats what I get for stepping away from life for 3 years, I have to pick up where I left off. Like I said though, I'm glad I did it, when I found out I had diabetes in 2010, I didn't know what I was going to do, so I decided to take every day as it comes, no planning ahead, no worrying about the future. At the time it was the right decision for me, it gave me the chance to just relax a little and do what I wanted to do, which was get drunk a lot and play video games. But in the final months of my last relationship, it became ever more apparent to me and her that I needed to get back to normality, and whilst that didn't come in time to save our relationship, I'm glad to be able to start afresh. Unfortunately, our friendship didn't last, which is unsurprising as going from lovers to friends isn't that straightforward, and whilst she probably hates me right now, I'm glad to know that she is ok and getting on with her life. Just like I needed to put more focus on myself, and that just wasn't possible with her in my life. If she is out there reading this, then I hope she doesn't take offence to that.
As for the girlfriend part of my big plan, I don't really know what to do. Enough time has passed now that I'm ready for someone new, I think my life has started to stabilise a lot more than it was a few months ago, but I don't really know how to go about it. I wouldn't ever class myself as a shy person, I just properly suck at the whole "conversation" part. Whenever I'm talking to someone I don't know too well, I end up drawing a blank on what to say. My mind will be telling me to talk about what I know, but I know a lot about American sitcoms, video games, and drinking, and I know that half of the stuff I would say would bore the shit out of them. And thats just when it comes to conversation, I'm clueless when it comes to picking up women. Theres a girl at work that I'm quite into, but I have no idea how to approach the situation, or even if I should. People always say "don't shit where you eat", and I wouldn't want to screw the situation up at work. But then some other less educated people like to scream YOLO as they get arrested, so who the fuck knows what the right course of action is.
Going back to work, I've been there for almost a month, and already I've got some interesting things on the horizon. For a business admin role, I've been tasked with making a live action comic book video to detail what we do in our part of the company for our 10th anniversary company meeting in January. It's gonna completely take over my life, but if I do a good enough job, maybe they'll consider that bit more about keeping me on when my apprenticeship runs out. As it stands right now, I want to either stick with this company for the foreseeable future (getting paid more hopefully) or I want to move to York with my friends. If the outcome is the former, then great, I'd love to keep working there. If it's the latter, then I'd want to know that I'm going to walk into a new job as soon as I get there, lest the whole experience turn into another Manchester scenario, and my liver would thank me greatly if that wasn't the case.
Anyway, talk over. Like I keep saying, this is a blog about me, I needed to write this. Perhaps next time I'll talk about the epic Assassin's Creed 4 ship battle I had against 3 Man of War ships in the middle of a storm. Maybe I'll go into depth about this little crush of mine at work (although not if anyone from work reads this). I don't know what it is people seek from my blog, I'd suggest leaving a comment if there was something you found more interesting, but I'm still surprised to see the hit counter on here going up between my updates. It appears someone out there is reading, so if that person is you, then feel free to leave me a comment. Say hi, or tell me to go fuck myself, or something in between.
Toodle pip for now m'dears!
